Alright, listen up. Parenting today—it’s like you’ve been handed a manual that’s missing half the pages, but you’re expected to be an expert. You’re supposed to nail every test without studying and hit every note without missing a beat. And the kicker? Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing. Or at least that’s what they’ll have you believe. The truth is, they don’t. None of us do.
We’re all fumbling through this parenting thing, desperately wanting to get it right, but the minute we start comparing ourselves to the next parent, we’ve already lost. The culture we’ve built— one of judgment and perfection—has led us down a dangerous path. It’s got parents believing they've failed if they don’t have all the answers. And if your child doesn’t fit the mold? Well, you’re even further out in the cold.
And when you add neurodivergence such as Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) into the mix, now you’re not just navigating a maze; you’re doing it blindfolded. SPD isn’t some niche issue; it’s a neurological condition that affects how your child’s brain interprets and responds to sensory input- insight and out. It’s not about discipline, it’s not about bad behavior, and it sure as hell isn’t about bad parenting.
But let me tell you, that’s not what the world sees. They see a child jumping off furniture, running in circles, talking too loud—and they assume you’re doing it all wrong. That your kid needs a time-out or stricter rules, often a "heavy hand." What they don’t understand is that your child is seeking—seeking sensory input because their brain is wired in a way that leaves them feeling like they’re constantly out of sync with the world. Imagine feeling like an astronaut floating in space all the time, with no sense of direction or grounding of any kind. It's fun for a minute; however, over time, the desperate need to feel tethered, held, and secure becomes the only drive you have.
So, here’s the big reveal: Parenting a child with neurodivergence such as SPD isn’t about fixing them; it’s about understanding them.
The Sensory World: More Than Meets the Eye
Now, let’s get one thing straight. Most people walk around thinking they’ve got five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But here’s where the plot thickens. There aren’t just five senses—there are eight. Three of them are flying under the radar like secret agents: vestibular, proprioceptive, and interoception. These senses are the silent operators that keep you from falling over when you stand up, tell you when you’re hungry, and let you know when something just isn't right. But when they’re out of whack, the whole system goes haywire- you are an astronaut floating in space.
Think of it like a symphony. When the musicians are all playing in tune, it’s beautiful. But when the drummer’s off, the whole thing sounds like chaos. For kids with SPD, those hidden senses—the ones that control balance, body awareness, and internal signals—can throw the entire performance off. And when that happens, it doesn’t matter how much you yell at the drummer. The beat’s still off.
The Foundational Four: Where the Rubber Meets the Road
We’re talking about four senses that hold everything together: tactile (touch), proprioception (body awareness), vestibular (balance), and interoception (internal state). When those four aren’t in harmony, the kid doesn’t just misbehave—they’re in survival mode. They’re overwhelmed, disoriented, and trying to make sense of a world that feels like it’s spinning too fast. They have no anchor point.
Imagine trying to do algebra while a fire alarm’s going off and someone’s throwing water balloons at you. That’s what a child with SPD is dealing with when their senses are misfiring. And for parents, it’s like being caught in the middle of a storm you can’t control, trying to calm the chaos with nothing but a paper umbrella. And for many, parents are trying to survive their own storms - a tornado and a hurricane coming together- both feeling like their bodies are floating in space with no connection to the felt sense of safety.
This is my story, too. My son—sweet kid, brilliant—has a neurodivergent profile of significant SPD and a few others. He’s constantly moving, climbing, spinning, and crashing. To the outside world, it looks like he’s out of control. But what they don’t see is that he’s seeking sensory input to help his brain calm down. He’s not being wild. He’s trying to get grounded. He is seeking to be seen and understood.
The Judgment: An Unrelenting Critic
And that’s where the judgment rolls in. Oh, the judgment. It’s relentless. Parents like to think they know best—that their way is the right way. So when they see a child like mine doing what he needs to do to survive the day, they jump to conclusions. They assume I’m not doing enough, not strict enough. That I’ve let things get out of hand, but what they don’t get is that neurodivergence and SPD aren’t discipline issues. There is a brain issue. It’s a neurological traffic jam.
You see, Sensory Processing Disorder impacts the signals between the body and the brain. And when those signals get crossed, you get behaviors that look like ADHD, defiance, or just plain chaos. And parents—good, well-meaning parents—are left standing there, holding the pieces, wondering how they can help their child when the world is telling them they’re doing it wrong. That they are the problem and they need to be "fixed."
But here’s the kicker: The real challenge isn’t just the sensory struggles. It’s the way the world sees them. And when you’ve got a kid who doesn’t fit neatly into the box of what’s considered “normal,” you’re not just fighting for their sensory needs; you’re fighting for their dignity. A child with neurodivergence experiences more negative messages than a neurotypical one on a daily basis.
This impacts their self-esteem and their sense of belonging in this world- hundreds of times a day.
Siblings in the Crossfire
Now, let’s not forget the siblings. Because when one child’s sensory needs take center stage, the others can feel like they’re being left in the ashes. My daughter, for instance, loves her brother. She’s his biggest defender. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy for her. She’s had to learn to navigate the stares and whispers from other kids who don’t understand why her brother acts the way he does.
There are times when she asks, “Why can’t he just be like other kids?” And those questions—they hit like a freight train. Because you know she’s asking the same thing you’ve asked yourself a hundred times. However, she often quickly follows that up with, "Can't they see how awesome he is and how much he can do?" She sees him—really sees him—for who he is. She doesn’t judge. She just loves. She’s the hero of this story, really. The unsung champion in the trenches is making sense of it all in a way only a sibling can.
Finding the Right Help: Your Supporting Cast
So, what do you do when you’re in this sensory whirlwind? You get help. But not just any help—help from people who actually understand the stakes. Occupational therapy (OT) is a game-changer. It’s about giving kids the tools to manage their sensory world, not forcing them to conform to ours. The number one thing to do is get curious and be willing to learn more. Find resources like those on our website to further your understanding so you can see your child with new joy and compassion.
If this is unavailable or you are on a waitlist, finding a practice like Olympia Therapy trained in neurodivergent affirming practices can help. At our practice, we take the “body before brain” approach. If you don’t get the sensory stuff identified and supported, there’s no way a kid’s going to be able to focus or regulate their emotions or body. It’s not about pushing harder; it’s about meeting them where they are and giving them the support they need to thrive.
I've even built an online program—Playful Wisdom Parenting—for parents who want to dive deeper into the sensory universe. It’s a lifeline for families who need more than surface-level strategies. It’s about understanding the brain and the body and how to create a relationship built on connection, not control.
This is the Moment of Truth
Here’s what it comes down to: Parenting a child with SPD is not about controlling their behaviors. It’s about understanding their experience of the world. If we can shift the conversation from judgment to empathy, we might find that we’re not so alone in this journey after all. This includes you, too.
So, take a deep breath. Stop comparing yourself to the perfect parent that doesn’t exist, no matter if the child you have is neurotypical or neurodivergent.
Instead, lean into what’s real—the connection, the compassion, the love you have for your child. Because, in the end, that’s all that matters. The world will judge, but you know the truth.
And the truth is, your child is not bad or broken. They just experience the world differently. And so do you.
*** In October, we will post more articles and resources to celebrate ADHD & Sensory Processing Awareness Month. They can be found in our blogs or in the resource hub.
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